Couples. The Here & Now has meaning! Focus on the Present!
So, we think of gift giving this holiday season. The best gift to give one another is the give of the "here and now". What does that even mean you ask? Well, in a quick summarization, stay the course, commit to the "here and now", focus on the present when communicating with one another. It is true, couples who focus on the present and future are better adept at regulating for each other and each other's stories. Feeling heard and validated!
Often, the mistake couples enter into is going into the "past"as it leads to a perception of the events, our memories are not accurate historians of the event and it is a mistake we can report over and over again. When I see couples in counselling sessions, often the theme of " we need help with our communication", "all we do is fight and it is circular and does not go anywhere". How do couples end up feeling? You guessed it, Defeat! Shut Down! Not Heard! Not validated! Essentially, exhausted!
So, here are a few tips for all couples wanting to give back to the relationship and their partner this season, and its FREE!
Past events can be useful when couples use these examples (often hurts, couple injuries) to form a NEW AGREEMENT/CONTRACT. Why? Couples can avoid repeating the "same old" patterns/mistakes.
Keep the :he/she/they said or did out of it ; focus on the here and future.
If couples need support through this process, come into a session with me and we can co-create a simple contract first, that you can begin to "build on to".
It can be, that simple.....remember, this is YOUR PERSON! Negotiate with fairness.
Until the next time! Speak with clarity of the relationship, expectation, and stay on the SAME TEAM ALWAYS!
Other resources available by going to Dr. Stan Tatkin's website! PACT!
Hilary
